Feeling wrong, stupid, awkward, embarrassed, different or abnormal are some of the negative emotions that can easily occur in people with hearing loss, when the hearing loss is being ‘revealed’ in an unpleasant way. Most people with hearing loss know the feeling of shame that can result from this.
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Shame is about feeling humiliated and inadequate. ‘How stupid I am’, ‘How embar-rassing!’ or ‘What will the others think?’
The wish to hide hearing aids is often related to a feeling of shame. The hearing aids render visible the fact that the user differs socially from other people. People with hearing loss are often perceived to be slow of comprehension and different.
Why does the feeling of shame arise? |
It is often in the communication with other people that the feeling of shame is nour-ished, as this is where the hearing loss becomes noticeable. A person with hear-ing loss may say ‘What did you say?’ or misunderstand spoken messages more often than people with normal hearing. Sooner or later someone will say: ‘Are you deaf?’ or make other allusions to the person’s hearing impairment. Owing to the prejudices associated with hearing loss such remarks can provoke a feeling of shame.
In addition to pointing out the hearing loss, it is also made more or less indirectly clear that the person with hearing loss no longer behaves according to accepted norms. It is not socially acceptable to speak in a loud and penetrating voice, or fail to answer fast and correctly or ask people to repeat.
The feeling of shame is linked to the hearing loss |
It can be highly embarrassing not to behave according to applicable social rules. The feeling of shame is linked to the hearing loss, because it is the hearing loss that makes you behave in a wrong and socially unacceptable way.
It is a common prejudice that hearing impaired people are not very intelligent, but it is actually the hearing loss that causes the feeling of being considered less intelli-gent.
A hearing loss can give rise to situations where the hearing impaired person feels shame because the feeling is directly linked to difficulties in understanding what is being said. Along with the sense of shame is also the feeling of being isolated. One is no longer part of the group. As shame can be a very agonising feeling, the person with hearing loss may choose isolation.
 Think of situations where you have experienced shame. Discuss them with peo-ple who have the same problem or with someone close to you to find out how you can avoid the negative feeling. |
| It is important to remember that shame is a natural part of the human emotional palette and that shame can therefore not be completely avoided. It is one of the elements of life. However, you should be careful not to let shame overshadow everything else. If you think that it is difficult to handle the feeling naturally, you may be able to benefit from sessions with a professional person (such as a psychologist). |
| Be aware of and prepared for difficult listening situations. Point out that you have a hearing loss and tell others what it takes to optimise communication between you. You could, for example, ask others to point out to you situations that require your silent attention (for example a speech). |
| Do not tolerate that people laugh at your expense, just because you have mis-understood something or missed some words. Keep in mind that you are one of many with hearing loss (one out of ten), and that it is admirable to acknowledge the hearing loss. |
| Make sure that you have the hearing aids that are most suitable for you. See what products are available on the market. |
| Always have a pad and pencil with you. |
Be attentive to the fact that reduced hearing can lead to a feeling of shame in the person who has a hearing loss. Help the person find out how embarrassing and awkward situations can be avoided.
Also look at yourself. It is important that you yourself accept if a person close to you has a hearing loss. If you think that it is embarrassing that he or she does not behave according to generally accepted ‘rules’, you can imagine how difficult it must be for the person with hearing loss.
It is important to take all feelings seriously and show respect. No one likes to be patronised. Don’t speak on behalf of the person with hearing loss, if they don’t catch the question asked. Instead, repeat the question clearly and let them answer themselves.
Speak openly and naturally with the person with hearing loss about good as well as bad situations where you have tried to help. Together, you will find what it takes to avoid negative situations.
SEE ALSO:
StigmaIsolationPhychologist
