A common consequence of hearing impairment is a sense of guilt. People with reduced ability to hear often blame themselves for mistakes that are caused by their hearing loss.
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An individual with hearing loss often feels that it is their fault if misunderstandings occur or if communication is difficult because they cannot understand what is being said.
’I am the one who cannot hear’. ’It is my fault that the others have to repeat senten-ces over and over’. ’I am a burden to the others’. Many people with hearing impair-ment thus assume responsibility for unsuccessful communication and have feel-ings of guilt if communication fails.
Feelings of guilt can also arise in situations where the person with hearing loss gets tired sooner than those with normal hearing – because of the extra listening work. ’I am always the first to leave, and we all know that it dampens people’s spirits when someone goes home early. ’It is my fault that we always have to leave before the others’. ’We don’t go out much so when we do I know my hus-band would like to stay longer’.
Guilt and self-reproach can be contributory causes of depression.
It is quite natural to feel guilt when you repeatedly have to ask for the help of others to understand what is being said; or when you have to leave social events early. Maybe the following advice can be useful:
 Share your knowledge, experiences and feelings with others in the same situa-tion. Then you will see that your reactions are normal – that other people with hearing loss share your reactions and feelings, including the feeling of guilt. It can be a big relief to know that there are many others who have these feelings. |
To counteract the feeling of guilt you could try to increase your self-respect. You can do as follows:
| Write a list of all the things you can do – despite your hearing loss. Write some key words for your interests and what is important in your life. This can make you more aware of who you are. Hang the list where it is easy to reach and remember to read it once in a while and add new positive aspects about yourself as they be-come clear to you. |
Remember that you are a person with a hearing loss. You are not your hearing loss. You are much more than your hearing loss.
Tell others about your hearing loss |
Involve the people around you; successful communication is not just your respon-sibility. Good communication always requires the efforts of at least two people, also when one of these has a hearing loss.
| Tell others that you are hearing-impaired. Many people with normal hearing do not realise that misunderstandings can be caused by hearing impairment. |
| Tell them what it takes to overcome the challenge. Only few people with normal hearing know of hearing tactics for people with normal hearing. |
| Tell the people around you that you appreciate it when they remember to support you in your communication (praising others increases one’s self-confidence and reduces the sense of guilt). |
| As a hearing loss is not visible, people tend to forget your hearing difficulties and you may have to remind them of it again and again. |
When someone with hearing loss expresses their sense of guilt it is important to listen instead of explaining away their emotional experience.
Try to establish when the feelings occur and if there is something you can do.
| Maybe you could support the person with hearing loss in acquiring and using hearing aids, as it is a big step to take alone. Hearing aids facilitate communication considerably. |
| You could also have a kind of arrangement so that you automatically assist in certain difficult listening situations. In this way, the hearing impaired does not have to ask for help constantly. |
| You could also choose to attend some events arranged with the aim of bringing people with hearing loss together. The first time one appears in a new social con-text, it can be nice to be accompanied by someone one knows. |
| Maybe you need to devote more attention to boosting the person’s sense of self-worth. Once in a while you could mention some qualities that you appreciate in that person. A hug, a loving remark, compliments or praise can make a huge difference. |
| Do not take over. Encourage the person in finding their own solutions, and support them when they implement the solutions. |
It can be necessary for some to consult with a psychologist if the sense of guilt is of such dimensions that it overshadows everything else in life.
SEE ALSO:
Listening workDepressionSelf-help groupHearing tactics for people with normal hearingPsychologist
